Synergy Greg would like to see you in His office,
it is the one down the hall,
past the cubicles and dreary faces,
uplifted only when He deigns to venture forth.
You will know Him when you see Him,
He is the one composed,
of a thousand writhing forms,
of a thousand professions,
and a thousand colours,
though mostly white, between the two of us.
Multitudinous is Synergy Greg!
As He offers you a stiff drink,
Flickering from man to woman to enbi,
but mostly a man, between the two of us.
His handshake grinds the bones of the world,
and in the ruins of the pines,
the other lays cable for high-frequency trades,
it's just good business.
Beneficent is Synergy Greg!
He has nothing against "the transes"!
Fortune has conspired to keep them,
from this august body,
plus you know what they're like,
as He drinks a bit too much,
at the office party.
His lungs are mighty bellows,
swallowing ten imported cigars in one great pull,
which He pretends to enjoy,
and billowing forth a cloud of motivation,
Go Team! Get! Shit! Done!
He will wait by the sidelines,
cheering you on,
and preparing for His TED talk.
The call is coming.
Any day now.
His minions are manifold and wise,
they will see about that raise,
they understand that you have children,
but Greg must find place in the budget,
alongside the yacht.
Synergy Greg has all the Secrets of Business,
It is Quantum,
And Crypto,
And Blockchain,
And GenAI,
And Faustian,
Let us coin an NFT in His image,
hallelujah!
Synergy Greg is self-made,
don't dare you dare say otherwise.
He bought Bitcoin early,
his dad owns the company,
and if you're so smart, why aren't you rich?
Benevolent is Greg!
He'd love to hire you!
If you were just more technical.
A real shame,
He needed more women!
Forgiving is Greg!
He'd love to hire you!
He needs a personal assistant,
under thirty,
blonde,
busty,
wait, don't write those down.
He needed more women!
Diverse is Greg!
He loves immigrants!
They help with the margins,
and let Him misspell their names,
and don't ask questions.
Just keep the brown,
and black,
and Chinese-y ones,
(Don't be that way -
You know what He means),
away from management.
They don't understand our culture.
Busy is Greg!
He does not have time for books,
but He dabbles in blogs,
by which He means magazines,
by which He means LinkedIn,
by which He means nothing.
Could you summarize this poem for Him?
Down-To-Earth is Greg,
and He walks in many guises,
Why is His food taking so long?
He'd like to speak to the manager.
And He has rostered you for Saturday,
don't put that on your timesheet.
And why do they hate the office?
He's so happy to see everyone again.
And it's an unpaid internship,
be grateful, kid.
And you aren't a team player,
get on side or get out.
And no one wants to work anymore,
He says at the leadership retreat.
And He's sad to announce layoffs,
consoling Himself with a bonus.
And employees used to be loyal,
better tenants, too.
And nurses should not strike,
just on the principle of the thing.
And medical patents don't pay for themselves,
don't disincentivize His compassion.
And you can't prove it's carcinogenic,
He doesn't even know where to hire a hitman.
And the village is in the way,
trade offer: ashes for your history.
And He wants you to lift those bricks with your back,
Insurance will cover the emotional damage,
to your children.
He will burn through ten imported workers in one great pull,
which He'll pretend not to enjoy.
And above all,
don't you ever fuck with Him.
Do you even know who He is?
You'll never work in this town again.
Great is Synergy Greg!
Magnificent is Synergy Greg!
Raise me to Heaven,
Or just give me a Raise!
Is he gone?
Are you sure?
Check the door,
He lurks sometimes,
because your data belongs to Him.
He's gone?
Between the two of us,
I fucking hate that guy.
I'd like to apologize to any readers called Greg.